On Being a 20Something Part 3: That "Perfect Job" You Now Hate

It's been my experience that some of us who are in our mid20's are finding that we hate our jobs. Not all of us feel that way. But a good handful. And then even more find their jobs just ok, but wishing there was something else, often saying to themselves, "Hey, I have a job. I should be grateful. I don't know why I'm complaining. I have a steady income, and that's a blessing."

If you're reading this and don't find yourself in this position, but instead you absolutely love your job, more power to you. I think that's awesome.

I was in denial that I was beginning to dislike my job. The biggest red flag, now looking back on it, was the day I missed my flight back to Texas. I didn't really care about it, and I started to wonder if I really wanted to go back to my job. But I'm great at denial, so I shoved that thought back in the cobwebbed corners, and ignored it for another year or two.

It was heartbreaking to realize the job I had dreamed about was slowly turning out to be something I dreaded. Had I misunderstood my passions, skills, and dream? And if so, how could I trust myself to choose the next job. What if it fell through and was just as heartbreaking?

This took more than a year to wrestle through. And I don't think I chose wrong. I think the job was a great fit for the first year and a half. But as I'm figuring out, everything changes. Who I am, what I want, my skills, and passions. I don't think they do a 180 change, but they get narrower, more defined. In my old job, I grew a lot and started figuring out certain things I hated to do or loved, because I was put in so many different situations.

I think the 20s are about defining a little more each year of who we are. What our passions are. What our dreams are. But I don't think it's likely that we'll have this figured out until our 30s or maybe even 40s. I know, that's a long time to wait. But I'm seeing my 20s as more of a chance to try different things and pick out just what it is I'm great at and how that fits into what I would love to do.

Let's face it. The last thing this world needs is another person who hates their job. Even more so, a person who mildly tolerates their job. It was a huge risk for me to go from a job I've known and was comfortable with (even though I didn't like it anymore) to a new one which doesn't promise as much security.

Today is my last day working with Student Venture. I'm jumping ship and attempting to figure out new things I like or don't. See what kind of passions evolve, skills, and new friendships. I won't lie. This is really hard. REALLY hard. I go from loving the adventure one day to curling under my covers and wondering why I'm throwing everything to the wind.

So my encouragement: if you love your job, awesome. Stick with it. if you don't, be aware of it and see where that takes you.

On Being a 20something Part 2: Parents/"Older Adults"

I know this word evokes a wide spectrum of emotions, opinions and concerns. So, let's go ahead and make a disclaimer: most of us have parents we are very grateful for and whom we love.

However, most 20somethings find it hard to cut the cord when their parents are tightly hanging on at the other end. If you've never read the book Boundaries, I highly recommend it. Cloud/Townsend talk about setting boundaries for ourselves emotionally and physically. I suggest it to parents, friends, and teens all the time. It's important to know where you begin and end. If you don't, you'll have parents or parental figures continuously crossing your boundary, trying to "over function" for you (doing everything for you which can a) drive you up the wall or b) cause you to be passive, because your parents will do it for you).

Since Cloud/Townsend did a great job on this topic, I'm not going to reinvent the wheel. You can find it on line or almost always at a local Half Price Books.

Another issue that comes up when we find ourselves as newly emerging adults, is the realization that our parents, and others older than us, aren't perfect (this starts in adolescent years for some). Remember when Harry Potter realizes Dumbledore isn't god, that he has flaws (book 4ish)? Our parents and everyone else their age isn't either. They're actually just afraid of the boogeyman as you once were, but he takes on a much different form in adulthood (finances, infidelity, failure, etc). I've found it much easier at this stage to have empathy on my mom or older adult figures, but at the same time, not look to them for all the answers to life.

My friend Kelly, her mom is in her late forties. They happened to be in town one night, so we went to a Rangers game and caught up on life, love and other mysteries. Mrs. Davis asked me what I was doing in life. My reply, "I. have. no. clue." She just chuckled and said, "Me either!". That was a pretty significant event for me. Here's someone who has been married, moved several times, has a child, and doesn't have the answers.

So yeah, our parents are great, but they don't have it all together like we'd hoped. And sometimes that's a bit of a pull on the rug of childhood security for us. We'd like to have people around us that have the answers, it feels safe and good. But not having those answers can be a good thing. It gives us something to search for, with new questions. It's almost as if we're reborn into this new stage, and like a child, taking first steps into unknown territory. Which is risky. And scary. But I've stepped out, ever so cautiously, and have found many good, exciting things. And yes, hurtful, too. But I'm beginning to be lured into the mysteries of life and its goodness.

My encouragement is to embrace the fear and anxiety of being your own parent, your own self. And see what you find. Or if you need to, tell your parents to back off a bit (nicely). Chances are they're just as scared of letting you go as you are of experiencing the new world. Their questions become, "Who am I now my child has left me? What role do I play?" They're fumbling around for answers to their questions of identity just as we are (Who am I now that I'm an adult? What role do I play now?). Have compassion and love for them. And have compassion and love for yourself in this stage.

On Being a 20Something Part 1: Leaving College

Transitions. I hate them. But I love change. Graduation had ended just eight hours ago. Four years flew by. I had exciting times ahead, a job with a nonprofit that was a good fit for me and moving to a new city with a population of more than my home state.

Something in me didn't set right. I loved my college. I loved the town. I had just started becoming part of the community surrounding the school. And I was leaving. Leaving the "best four years of my life" as people always called it. Maybe they were right.

The change, I welcomed. It was exciting to move back home, a new me, with direction, which was more than a lot of my classmates had.

The transition, I tried to avoid. That was where all the emotions hung out. The sadness of leaving traditions, close friends I could call family, living on a floor where community just naturally happened, eating like kings and queens in the dining hall, capture the flag across campus... It was midnight when I was driving all my stuff home as a fresh alum. I shook off the sadness.

There was a looming fear in the future. My job was exciting. Moving to a big city was, too. But what about all the unknowns? What if I ended up hating my job and got stuck in Dallas where I knew no one? I rolled down my window to catch the smell of sweet grass that grew along 385. I drove over the tiger paw prints my friends had spray painted on the highway three years ago. Crazy. Where did it all go? I'm pretty sure at this point I turned on the radio and ignored my fear.

I know I'm not alone in what I felt that night. As a 20something, my whole past had been predetermined by governmental expectations: education 40 hours a week until age 18. The past four years were similar, my schedule was planned and put in front of me, and I had to show up and do the work.

But that night, I had a vast stretch of empty highway before me. Not just literally. I didn't know what was next, how long I'd be in my new job, if I wanted to be married (should I be?); there was no one to tell me what to do. No academic schedule. No advisor. No text to study on how to be an adult.

So this is my advice: These years are made up of LOTS of transitions. And they. are. hard. However, allow yourself some grace and patience. I've learned I DON't have to have life figured out, and it's ok if transitions are sloppy.

We're not being graded on them.

It's worth repeating...

Have grace.

And patience.

On Being A 20Something, Intro

The boomerang generation. I-gens. Generation Y. We're unique. More 20somethings than ever are living with their parents again. Much of us are still trying to figure out what we want to be when we grow up, even though we've been through undergrad and grad school...with loans to prove it.

We are unique. And there's been a lot written about us in articles and books. Negative and positive. Some call us lazy, unmotivated, or too dependent. Others are pleading with our government to offer more programs such as Peace Corps, World Volunteer Network, and the like to help us experience life outside our parents' basements.

There are many opinions about our age stage coming from those who aren't in the middle of it. But I want to give you insight from my experience. I want to focus this month on writings about what it's like to be a 20something during the 21st Century. To parents reading this, it's harder than when you were growing up, at least maybe in different ways, so be supportive when appropriate. To 20s reading this, yeah, it is hard, we are unprepared in certain ways, but hopefully you'll be encouraged by my posts. And to those just reading, hopefully this gives insight to why your 20something friends or relatives are the way they are.

Enjoy